If children lose the feeling of connectedness with their families, then they may have lost a big piece of their identity and have difficulty answering the question, “Who am I?” Whether children have a lot, a little contact or no contact with birth families, they have dreams and feelings about their families.
Open adoption is designed to be a child-centered arrangement based upon the premise that humans need genetic continuity to attain a healthy identity.
Open adoption is often presented to birth parents as a way to lessen the grief of losing a child to adoption. The grief we feel for our children includes not only missing the times we had with them as their mother or father, but mourning for the times we will not have with them as their parents.
Today, parents who adopt children from foster care cannot pretend their children were always a part of the family, and most know that becoming a legal part of a new family does not erase a foster child’s emotional ties to the past. As openness in infant adoption gains currency, it is worth considering how facilitated, safe contact with birth family members can benefit children adopted from care.
We sincerely believe more information is better than less, and that the more answers we can offer our children now the better their adjustment and understanding will be in the future.
If your child doesn't ask, you need to raise the topic yourself; find out what your child thinks and what he wants to know. It's your job to give them their information. It's their right to know the truth.
Sometimes bringing our children’s birth parents into their lives – and ours – whether through truth-telling conversations, or letters and pictures, or occasional visits, or on-going contact – can be as uncomfortable and at times even painful for our children.
In open adoption, two family cultures come together to provide for the needs and to shape the life of an adopted child. Differences in these family cultures can sometimes cause confusion and mis-communication if they are not explored and acknowledged.
Children and youth who have been adopted and maintain relationships with their birth families, caregivers, and other important people in their lives benefit in significant ways. Ongoing contact can lessen the loss and grief associated with separation, support children's identity development, and help them overcome adversity as they prepare for adulthood. Supporting the development or maintenance of these connections is in the best interests of the child and requires a strong commitment from both the adoptive and birth families.
Children and youth who are adopted need to maintain relationships with their birth families and it is vital that their parents support them in doing so. For this bulletin, we focus on the importance of maintaining connections between children and their birth families or caregivers that continue to evolve as children grow and their lives change. The bulletin also discusses how child welfare professionals can help families maintain and facilitate those connections.
