The question for April 14, 2020 comes from Kara in Delhi:
Help!
I am an adoptive and foster mom of several teens; my daughter is really frustrated over not seeing friends.
Do you any advice?
Amy Drayer, the Director of Foster, Kinship and Parent Group Services at the Coalition answers:
For teenagers and young adults, friends can be tremendously important, “bonding with peers is one of the essential developmental tasks of adolescents.” If your teen is moping about being stuck at home, having a direct conversation might be helpful. Acknowledge and listen – let her know it’s frustrating to be isolated from friends and validate her feelings. Teens, especially those who have been adopted or are in foster care can have a sense that they have no control over their lives and COVID-19 anxiety can be exacerbating that. So one idea would be to directly ask your daughter about how you can work together to make this situation bearable.
Also, revising rules (as a family) with regard to time spent on social media, for instance, will help compensate for the socializing time lost that usually occurs in school, on teams, at lessons, etc. Encourage her to be creative about new ways to interact with their friends socially, is there an art, dance, exercise or music class she can participate in online with friends. Some kids are having virtual movie night – one family shares the movie on their screen and all the children log in to Zoom or whatever platform families agree on to watch together.
A trauma competent therapist might also be a good resource, should you feel that your child is in need of speaking with a professional.
You can also reach out to Coalition staff via our 24/7 Helpline 888-354-1342.
Do you have a question? Call us on the HelpLine!
Call the Adoptive and Foster Family Coalition of New York’s toll free HelpLine at 888-354-1342: the only FREE statewide 24/7 service of its kind for designed specifically to assist foster parents, kinship carers, adoptive families, related professionals and those wishing to foster or become parents. We have the support you need right now.