Step Four: Finding Your Community when Searching for Your Birth Family

An adoption search can take years and be long and frustrating or fast and furious or everywhere in between. No matter what steps one takes, anyone is bound to experience a wide range of conflicting and often quickly cycling emotions.  Having an understanding circle of people who have also experienced similar feelings is often vital to support emotional health. When experiencing all these new feelings, knowing that others have walked the same path before and felt similar ways is both normalizing and validating. In addition, search support can also mean more hands helping and provide new avenues to explore while searching for your original family.

There are many more sources of information and adoption search support online, but the following groups, links, and sites are specific to New York adoption searches.

NYAdoptees Yahoo Group: One of the most active and longest running New York specific adoption search group is still run on a Yahoo group. You do have to create a yahoo account and join, but it is worth it. https://beta.groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/nyadoptees/info

Live Adoption Search Support Group Meetings in New York

Adoption Group in the Village NYC:

  • Contact Name: Susan McQuirk
  • Contact Number: 646-303-8343
  • Meeting Time: First Sunday, 2-4pm
  • Locations: New York, NY

Manhattan Birth Parents Group

  • Contact Name: Tony Dupree
  • Contact Number: 212-544-7487
  • Meeting Time: 3rd Thursday, 7:00-9:00 p.m.
  • Locations: New York, NY
  • Website: http://manhattanbirthparents.homestead.com/resources.html

Adoption Crossroads    

  • Contact Name: Joe Soll
  • Contact Number: 845-268-0283
  • Meeting Time: 3rd Thursday, 7:00-9:00 p.m.
  • Locations: Congers, NY
  • Website: http://www.adoptionhealing.com/ 

A.C.E. (Adoptee Circle of Experience): not a search group, there will be resources available to help begin a search as well as support available from members of the group that have undergone a search themselves.

New York Adoption Groups and Pages on Facebook

  • Adoptees born in N.Y: all adoptees born and adopted in New York City and State and families searching; adoption related topics or links to help related to adoptees, birthparents, siblings, searches, and reunions. https://www.facebook.com/groups/216630741776819/
  • Catholic Charities Adoptees & Birth families Searching:  All those who are/were affected by an adoption facilitated by Catholic Charities (nationwide), and searching for each other. https://www.facebook.com/groups/RelinquishedCCTriad/
  • New York Adoption Reunions:  Assisting to create Adoption Reunions for people born in or adopted from New York State, and for their parents, children, and siblings. They can help create an Social Media Adoption Search Advertisements https://www.facebook.com/groups/NewYorkAdoptionReunions/

Online Adoption Search and Reunion Support on Facebook

The following links are not New York Adoption Search specific, but do offer support and assistance.

  • ADOPTION SEARCH Registry:  In this group the search angels are NOT paid nor do they solicit for your business. There are search angels here from the USA as well as other countries. https://www.facebook.com/groups/2306573942/
  • ADOPTION SEARCH HELPS & TIPS:  If you have searched, you may have a technique that will help someone else. If you have searched, there may be information here that could help you with that search. This page is not for people who charge money to search, it’s for those wonderful search angels who donate their time and for those doing their own search. https://www.facebook.com/groups/searchsupport/
  • Adoption Search & Reunion:  This is a group for all who are searching, or are in reunion. For those who wish to post a search ad, Please follow the description under the DISCUSSION BOARD about how and what to post – and what NOT to post, as you search for your lost family member(s.) https://www.facebook.com/groups/57164728955/
  • Adoption Reunion Search and Support Group: This is a group for discussions on search and reunion. You are welcome to post the info you have for your search, there are search angels in this group and we are always happy to help. There are files and screen snips that show you how to find your birth family using DNA.  https://www.facebook.com/groups/351076468249270/

For even more pages and groups on Adoption Support on Facebook, please click here.

The Coalition is not a government agency, does not provide direct search services, and is unable to assist you with accessing information in closed adoption records.  We ARE NOT SEARCHERS, however, we can point you in the right direction. Please see the Guide to Finding Your Birth Parents if Born and Adopted in New York State.

Some Quick Search Tips

  1. Make it easy to find yourself – list your phone number under your maiden name and/or birth name if you are an adoptee; list your phone as your name when you relinquished. Check and see if you show up with variation of your name when you Google it.   
  2. Keep a log of everything you do for your search – jot down every insignificant detail – it may be a key that will open a door later on.
  3. Be kind to yourself and others – a smile gets more out of someone you want information from than a fist slammed on a desk.
  4. Take a rest but do not give up – you will find if your information is correct.
  5. Check the old phone books for your birth name in the year you were born and the year you were adopted. Do an address search (reverse phone book) to find out if she lived with someone. Yes, high school and college year books also help. 
  6. If you are an older adoptee, the census is wonderful.  If you are a younger adoptee the census is good, but you are looking for grandparents.

 

REQUEST YOUR ORIGINAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE!

AS OF JANUARY 15th, 2020: On June 20th 2019, the New York State Assembly overwhelmingly approved the bill that ends 83 years of secrecy over the original birth certificates (OBC) of adult adopted persons. The vote was 140-6 in the Assembly, with the Senate passing the measure 56-6 earlier in the month. On November 14, 2019, it was signed by Governor Andrew Cuomo into law and restores the right for adults over the age of 18 to request and receive their own pre-adoption birth records. As part of the larger New York Adoptee Rights Coalition, the Adoptive and Foster Family Coalition of New York is please to state that after over 40 years of failed legislative efforts, we have FINALLY CHANGED THE LAW!!!  On January 15, 2020 , both New York City and New York State will release the necessary forms and begin processing applications. Click here to find out how to apply!
HOW TO REQUEST AN OBC